Answers By Email is the Place to Determine Your Addictions Email Coaching May Help You to Focus on the Solution

How you use your emotional energy-

Your mind, body and emotions either work together so you experience your life more fully or you are using the energy for avoiding behaviors.  The way to control your life is to control your thoughts and words. From your words come your feelings.

The secret of gaining control of any problem is to learn to use your energy in a positive manner. Often this means relaxing into a situation or experience as opposed to “fixing” or “solving” the situation. We always have the ability to control our thoughts, words and deeds. No one else makes any one feel anything. Our response is always our choice.

One of the best ways to gain control over your emotions is to teach yourself that it is OK to “lose”. A good reminder of this is: would I rather be right or be happy? I like to use this slogan to remind myself to choose between being “perfect” and having fun.

Why I offer email coaching-

I love email coaching because it gives you and me a written record of what we write. Oral coaching leaves much of what is said up to your memory.  Sometimes what is “heard” wasn’t what was said. Email coaching can be as many or few sessions as you choose.

If you are in a stuck place, it generally feels like everything is wrong with your life. But it isn’t. Instead you have most of your attention on that which it seems you can’t fix. The reality is by making a conscious effort and a true letting go, any problem can be set right. In a few email sessions, if you’re committed to implementing change, you can feel new energy and direction flowing into your life.

Healing your childhood memories-

“It requires a tremendous leap of faith to imagine that your own childhood—punctuated with pain, loss, and hurt-­may, in fact, be a gift. Certainly the unhappiness you felt was not, in itself, a blessing; but in response to that pain, you learned to cultivate a powerful intuition, a heightened sensitivity, and a passionate devotion to healing and love that burns deep within you—and there are gifts that may be recognized, honored, and cultivated. You are not broken; childhood suffering is not a mortal wound.” Wayne Muller

We each have had a wounded childhood. In order to feel safe, we learned to cover our true feelings. I taught myself so well that even today, although I was born in 1940, when I feel unsafe, I hold my face absolutely rigid so that my feelings can’t be “read” by others.

So our self-image is distorted from our childhood. We want to believe that the self-image that we are projecting to the world is our true self. But our true self knows that this image is not who we are. So until we allow these inner distortions to be healed we are living an inner battle.

Our self-esteem is directly connected to our self-love-

90% of Americans have low self-esteem. Our self-esteem (how we value ourselves) is built on our distorted self-image. Self-esteem can only be strengthened by learning who we really are and then by healing our distorted self-image.

“A veritable gold mine of possibilities is hidden within each of us-aptitudes, attitudes, characteristics, and traits that once may have been conscious, but for some reason slipped away or were pushed away into our unconscious. In addition, there is great potential within each of us that has never had the opportunity to see the light of day. William A. Miller

Learn how to relax into your healing-

Because a lot of self-examination is purely mental, the first techniques for a stronger self-image are built on learning relaxation techniques. Stress is our reaction to changes happening around us. Because we are using much of our energy holding on to our faulty self-image, any trouble from outside ourselves uses up what little energy we have left.

In learning how to strength and develop your feelings of self-acceptance and self-worth, you will be learning how to use your energy in a positive way. You will love yourself better and others will want to learn how you did it.

Life Lessons-

The wonderful reality about life lessons is that you can’t screw them up. We continue to get opportunities to learn them over and over. That is why they are called life lessons.

Tips for Making Good Change Decisions-

At different periods of our life, we experience periods of great change. During these periods of change, we need to use a special plan of action to include:

a)     Learn to “gentle” yourself during these periods.

b)     Gauge your reactions to future events by asking yourself how you feel about this and learn to listen to your feelings. Feelings aren’t right or wrong, good or bad, but are only appropriate or inappropriate. So let your feelings be.

c)     Many times we use our energy to try to change or stop what change is coming. Learn to “read” the change that is coming and make early decisions about which part of the change you can accept.

d)     Bless what there is for being and let go of the rest.

e)     The “blame and shame” game is a total waste of energy. The way to evaluate this is to ask if finding the “culprit” solves the problem. Generally, the answer is no—the rug still needs cleaning, the door is still locked, the work is still undone. Ask yourself is you’d rather be right or be happy.

Difference between coaching and counseling-

A coach is different from a counselor. Although I was a counselor for years, I have a deeper attachment to coaching. How are they different?

1.  Coaching is results-oriented and is a much a shorter time and money investment.

2.  Shorter time invested means less expensive.

3.  “Talk” therapy can go on for years with no clear end in sight.

4.  Therapy or counseling is needed if you have not faced deep psychological disturbances.  Tom Rusk has written a good  short quiz about “Should You be in Therapy?”.

5.  Good coaches will establish a duration of the coaching sessions and, most, importantly, you will choose which direction the coaching will go.

6.  So coaching is a partnership–a team– someone who wants to help you reach a solution and you.

7.  I prefer email coaching because it gives both of us  (you and me) a written record of our direction.

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